like i wasn't there

I was talking to a friend after a Friends Meeting, and she noted that at the church she had been trying to go to, she kept having conversations with people who didn't seem to see her. It was as if what she was saying didn't quite register; then she noticed that their eyes quite frequently weren't really on her, but kind of off to one shoulder, as if they weren't quite sure where her centre was. "Like we vibrated at different frequencies" she said. At that point a fellow came up to us. He was one of those people with whom I have always thought I should have a real connection; shared interests and all that. But he did the same thing to me! I made a couple comments that are of the type that usually get a really good theological or philosophical or even mystical conversation going - and he just stared at me as if there was something transparent going on. When I was young, that kind of thing really left me reeling and wondering why I was so weird. But into my 5th decade I just stop and wonder at the vagaries.

I think perhaps if I cared more about materialism, I might get along more with the material-focused world. Perhaps I would not break so many plates and nice wine glasses; perhaps my bicycle would not get so many flat tires; perhaps when people speak excitedly about their town's or their family's Christmas decorations I might join in; it might even be that I joined a table full of people for lunch, rather than sitting with 1-2 confidants. I feel quite optimistic and positive about the world and I enjoy myself in a million ways, but I'm sometimes on a different wavelength. It's fair to say that the band of waves I am on is a bit esoteric, but I have a keen eye to identify anyone who shares even a part of the band, and to discuss whatever odd part of the universe we have in common. Given the opportunity, I find that usually find that slice of shared reality, but its difficult to do in groups and for those who are enamored of the trappings of vanity, we probably won't get the opportunity. My friend at the meeting said she used to say "poor me" when she got overlooked; now, with a bit more self-awareness, she says "poor them" - for looking past her. The thing is, even though some people never realise who I am, or what I am about, I still try to make the space they are in just a bit more calm, a bit more attuned.